I did not think that I had a fear of commitment, but during one of the processes that I have lived with God, looking back on my behavior, I was able to realize that, in fact, I did have it in different aspects of my life. God in his mercy, showed me both the problem and the way to heal.
In the romantic relationships, despite being a loyal and faithful person, I did not like labels, titles, or that they invaded my space and my time, so I liked to think it was me who set the pace of the relationship. Of course, nothing fruitful resulted from that kind of relationships. In the spiritual part, it was something similar, I decided to what extent I wanted to get involved with God and in the church. According to my mentality, I liked to be in control, and both emotionally and spiritually, I decided how to handle situations. I was raised in the Catholic church, but I always refused to undergo the sacrament of confirmation, because I did not agree with many things. Then when I started attending a Christian church they someone talked to me about baptism, I also refused because that was too much for me. After going through different processes, being intentional about growing emotionally and spiritually, being single, and being focused on God, I thought I was ready to consider having a partner. However, one day while praying about this topic, I felt this question in my heart: “How can you commit to a man, if you can’t even commit to a relationship with Me? That step will be a preparation for your future.”
I knew that God was speaking to me about baptism and at that moment, I was able to recognize that I did have an irrational fear that I had to overcome. Also, I had already learned that once you follow God, the first thing you let go of is control, because it is not about my will, but about HIS will. So, it no longer made sense to put more limits on my relationship with God. After a while, with firm conviction, with a little nervousness, I was baptized and sealed my commitment to God, and it has been one of the most beautiful experiences I have had with Him and it freed me from fear.
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.” (1 John 4:18 NLT)
Today, I can say that God effectively prepared me for this phase of my life, in which I am also romantically engaged and about to get married, free from fear, and knowing that my greatest commitment is with Him. God has the absolute power to restore areas of our lives that we thought were lost, that we think are no longer worth it, or that time has passed. God knows our deepest longings, but also our deepest fears, and if we allow Him, He can take us by the hand to free us. However, this requires listening and obeying instructions, because it’s not our way, it’s HIS way.
”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”” (Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV)
